hi all.. though i dunno who will still be reading my blog..
recently i broke off with a girl who is 19 named lydia..
we went frm 20nov09 till 10dec09..
yes i din expect myself to get another girl in my life..
esp after so long, been trying to turn straight since 17 yrs old..
but eventually i failed aft trying out with few guys..
finally i break down juz now n burst myself into tears..
i had been depressed it in my heart for more than a week..
i haf no one to turn to..
i hate myself..
she gave mi e reason tt she wanna concentrate on studies n career..
but in e end she told my friend its becos she find mi too scary cos
i kept saying e 3 words to her
n she realise its a wrong for her to be a les..
aft broke off we were still friends at first..
but i did a very big mistake by being drunk on sat nite..
we went drinking after working secretly..
at first was w another guy..
but e guy left first.. creating a "chance" for mi to ask for a patch..
in e end she requested to go over to her friend's downstairs to drink instead..
we drank scotch whiskey n was on e rock..
i got black out aft tt..
her friend left us there.. i dun even noe how i got into e cab..
i lost my specs, my cigarette n money..
she called n sms my friend tt i was pulling her here n thr begging for another chance..
she told my friend tt she hate e eye expression tt i gave her..
she find mi very scary n wan me to get lost frm her if possible..
she dun wish to c me anymore n she dunno how to face me..
on e next day my friend did warn me to leave her alone
if not she will not hesitate to be harsher on me to give her up..
im utterly lost rite now..
i dunno wat to do next..
i dun even dare to go down..
im EVEN more scared to face her..
im scared wat if the rest get to find out too..
i hate myself for drinking so much n doing things without my conscious..
n i swear to god i really dunno wat i did in e cab to her to make her so scared n hate me now..